Pregnancy With Styles Part 1 Accepting Motherhood Without Fear
Here I am entering my third trimester, married, financially stable, and wanting a baby. But because of my experiences along with the joy comes fear. Fear is not a word I like. Fear is something I try to conquer. Yet there it is, around ever corner and every decision made, especially when it come to thinking about birth and motherhood.
There are certain experiences that have left lasting impressions in my subconscious mind. Many of my friends got pregnant during or soon after high school. They struggled financially and emotionally during pregnancy. My mother lost her first-born soon after a natural birth, and had a miscarriage at 6 months during another pregnancy. My sister had her children by C-Section after long, tiring deliveries, the last one left her in the hospital for days because a doctor nicked her during surgery. Movies have told us the experience of giving birth is a dramatic and often traumatic experience. Super Nanny makes me feel like kids are unruly and I need someone like her to get parenting right. Friends and Family constantly tell me “your life will never be the same!” GEEEEEEEZ!
Fear is natural. But I believe that we have the power to overcome our fears and manifest beautiful experiences. Ultimately we choose to live in fear or live in love. I’m not saying that on belief alone there will be no pain or trouble. I am saying that we as women can learn to look within ourselves for the strength to face challenges head on.
In the end, my friends who had children at a young age found a way to support them and found love like they never knew before. My mother had 4 other children, and now 4 grandchildren with one more on the way. My sister and her kids are perfectly healthy. Television and movies (even Super Nanny) are all forms of entertainment and not to be taken as reality. Friends and Family may be right, my life will never be the same, but I choose to not morn who I was but to embrace who I am going to be! Step over fear.
Instead of agreeing that I was doomed to a pregnancy of gaining weight, swollen ankles, morning sickness, raging hormones, sleepless nights, and no social life I simply did some research to see how I could work through these so-called symptoms. Afterall, we are not sick, we are just incredibly creating a life. And realistically that can drain some of our energy, no doubt. But to me, this is where you not only use your mind to fight the feeling of fear, but to also become educated on how to fight with science and common sense. Educate yourself I talked to my Doctor and my Midwife for advice, unafraid to ask questions. Personally I wanted to avoid medicines and drugs so I looked for reliable books with natural remedies and tips. I watched YouTube Vlogs of women I could relate to, who didn’t scare me, but gave me good advice like The Kandu Family. I began to meditate and practice giving thanks on a daily basis for the blessings I have. I stopped internalizing horrors stories and started creating my own.
My husband and I often discuss parenting techniques, but until this little bambina is here we really won’t know how things will go. In the meantime I just imagine all the amazing moments we will share hugging, snuggling, playing and learning from one another. When I think about long nights up feeding her, I remember that I used to voluntarily stay up partying. When I think about temper tantrums, I think about how would I patiently handle those moments? And then I move on, because this little one within me is soaking up every feeling I am having. When I get overwhelmed, I take time to calm myself and literally tell my belly “life can be difficult but you can get through it. Watch how Mommy overcomes this feeling.” With each challenge I took it, and take it, as my own personal journey. There is nothing to fear, just actions to overcome instead of giving in.
For me this was step one in my pregnancy journey. Training my mind and my heart to overcome fear. I will share more about my experience in upcoming blogs. Tips on how I avoid getting up to pee all night long, why I chose a home birth, or how I kept from having really bad morning sickness. I’m not a Doctor, and every woman has her own personal challenges to overcome, but my goal is to encourage us to believe with inner strength and an open mind we can make pregnancy fearless!